It's Not About Me

So what do Godly relationships look like? We talked a little about relationships in discipleship group the other night and I've mentioned again on this blog two nights ago. But everything has been kind of theory, or concepts. We haven't really gotten into the nitty-gritty. What does the Bible say about romantic relationships? There a several things that God spells out in black and white ink, guidelines for Christians in romantic relationships, and they can all be summed up as this: IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! A romantic relationship, whether it be boyfriend and girlfriend, fiancées, or husband wife, will not succeed if you make it about YOU and what you can GET out of it! Let's take a closer look:

(I need to preface this discussion with the fact that the Bible doesn't say a whole lot about DATING relationships. Dating wasn't a real common practice in those days. The Bible does specify several guidelines for married people, though. But if you really take the time to think about it, the whole point of dating is finding out whom we can or can't marry. So we can definitely apply these guidelines to dating relationships too.)

1. DUCKS CANNOT MATE WITH SEAHORSES:
Davey, what are you smoking now? What is that supposed to mean? Simple, Christians are not supposed to date non-Christians, period. This is not a gray area in the Bible. The Bible says that we are not to be "unequally yoked" with non-believers. Wait, Davey, that verse means we're not supposed to hang out with non-Christians who could make us stumble. Oh really? So Jesus was disobeying His own laws when He ate with the tax collectors and sinners. Hmmm. So we can only glean from this that God does not want us DATING, or marrying, non-Christians if we have committed our lives over to Jesus.

So many people try to missionary date (that is dating with the intention of winning your boyfriend or girlfriend over to the Lord). "Oh, I can change them." The problem is, God wants to change them, but He can't because you're in the way! Ducks and seahorses are both water animals. But Ducks are above and beyond the water. They are not confined to the water. In fact they can fly! Seahorses, on the other hand, spend all their time on the ocean floor. They sit in the dark, murky, dangerous territories of the sea. If a duck tried to live down there it would DROWN! Ducks are not meant to live under water. If we try to missionary date, or just date anyone who is not a Christian, we just end up getting sucked into that lifestyle and we will drown, spiritually.

2. EPHESIANS 5:25
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her . . . Wives, submit to your husbands." Check this out. "It's not about me!" Christ loved the church (us - His children) so much that He gave His life for us. He gave all that He had while He was alive too! He also instructs the wives to be totally submissive to that loving husband. Too many people make relationships all about what "I can get out of it." Can I get this girl to "put-out" for ME; can I get this guy to buy ME all this stuff or do everything for ME? This is a simple fact of life. We are self-centered. It hit me the other day how many times I use first person personal pronouns in my conversations ("I" or "Me").
We want everyone to know about us and to be concerned for our needs. Jesus gives us a standard to live up to - be totally consumed with what you can do for others, particularly in a romantic relationship.

3. EVE TASTED THE APPLE; ADAM DIDN'T TELL HER IT WAS A PEAR:
I think it's so funny how Eve is always blamed for the Great Fall of Man because she tasted the fruit (by the way we don't know what kind of fruit it was) and then gave it to her husband. Get this, though, Adam was given the responsibility to watch over Eve, to disciple her, to make sure that she didn't get into trouble. It was Adam who was instructed not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and THEN God created Eve. So, it was Adam's responsibility to instruct Eve in God's ways, but HE FAILED! But we blame women for sin entering the world. That's just the problem with this world. "SHE doesn't satisfy me any more. I'm going to find my satisfaction in someone else." "SHE didn't raise our kids right." "SHE isn't cleaning the house the way I would like." "SHE, SHE, SHE. It's all HER fault that our marriage is falling apart." Guys, how about we step up, be MEN, take responsibility for our own shortcomings, and be the spiritual leaders in the relationship! Get involved with your families. Romance your wife. Disciple her. In middle school, people used to say that phrase, "When you point at me there are three fingers pointing back at you!" It's so true. Pointing the blame may take the spotlight off of you for a minute, but unless you realize that it is really YOUR fault, nothing will every change. How many guys pray with their girlfriends or with their wives? Some of the most meaningful times I have with my girlfriend are praying with her. We should do it more often. There's something incredible about coming before God and surrendering your relationship to Him.

Remember, it is NOT ABOUT ME. That is the basic guideline for all relationships with all people, but especially romantic relationships. Jesus came into this world not to BE served but to SERVE others. We are called to do the same!